he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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