I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
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My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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