I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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