you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i now understand why vodka
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
