glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
