that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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