I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
