dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
