benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
