Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
