So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
