I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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