hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
