dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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