If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
