absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
