you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
is wine microwaveable?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
