This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
