I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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