I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
