Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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