Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I could fuck to npr.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
