so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
