Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
