had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
