he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
splinters make it hard to masturbate
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
