I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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