my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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