So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you traded sex for a burrito?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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