I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
