just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
