Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i think my cat just said my name.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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