He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
