there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
