Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
