watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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