Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it because I queefed?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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