I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
