I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
