Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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