Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
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Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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