That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize