also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so let's talk penis.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
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He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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