i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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