i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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