I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize