I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
