And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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