Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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