You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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