Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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