i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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