i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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