yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
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No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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