we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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