Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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