Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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