# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
