I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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