haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Apparently you make a good broom.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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