I think my fart just growled at me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
