Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
