put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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